Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
