I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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