Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
