In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
