I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
