About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
