I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
