Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
