YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .