chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage