I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER