im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table