Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face