We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
