I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
