So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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