you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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