hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
