The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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