My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize