i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
