There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
