omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
