if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
