they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
