I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
