i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
