Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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