My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
