he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
