Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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