is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
