Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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