Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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