My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
