Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
