are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
