Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
