You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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