whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
