The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
