I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
