awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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