I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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