I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
