apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
