I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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