it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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