Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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