I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
