i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
