do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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