Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
