he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
