omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
