nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
