This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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