Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
