i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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