I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
