But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
