I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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