omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
