i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
