She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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