And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
