apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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